The Post I’ve Been Wanting to Write for Too Long
I’ve been wrestling with what I’m about to write for a few years now. But this month for some reason I’ve found the clarity and courage to say what I’ve been feeling but unable to express.
Ever since I had Austin things started to feel a little different (I hear motherhood will do that).
Many of the posts I wrote became difficult to complete. They felt forced and I was less satisfied with the final results. I didn’t get that same feeling of creative release and accomplishment. It felt more like a chore.
I took breaks here and there, but I never really came back to my old groove.
The hardest part of the upkeep and forced writing were the Jell-O shot recipes. Which is most definitly why it was so difficult to stop or better yet …. change. This was the profitable part.
The book deal that came right after I had Austin. The exposure and adoration from well known publishers. It felt as if it was too late to give that up. I had responsibilities to be this “person.” To sell books. To be the brand.
But it’s painfully obvious that I’m just not this girl in this picture anymore with vodka soaked gummy bears in my hair.
Toddler saliva soaked fruit snacks, yes. Boozy gummy bears, no.
Aside from the boozy treats I also no longer have timeto make fun or fancy recipes and photograph them.
Cooking used to be a creative outlet and stress reliever. These days cooking is about meal prepping, time saving and convenience for my husband when I’m running late from work.
Not much fun sadly. More rushing and multitasking.
The good news is there are many things about this blog that I still love very much and want to keep contributing to. I miss writing. I love photography. I love all of the creative sharing that this blog makes possible.
I want to paint and show you. I want to read books (audio books is what time allows for) and tell you about them. I want to take trips with my family and document them.
I know my audience looking for “Michelle the Jell-O shot queen” might not be looking for what this season of my life has to offer. But I’m okay with that.
It’s time to float easily toward where this season of life is pulling me.
Not a brand. Not a product. Me the mom. Me the writer (albeit rusty but hoping to work at that more). Me the poet. Me the photographer. Me the dreamer.
This is me. This is it. Im leaving my “Jell-O shot queen” sash and tiara at the foot of my front steps and closing the door.